Thusday Thirteen #7

Thirteen Funny One Liners, as found on the Internet.

1. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurantlike having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
2. Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
3. Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
4. Hard work never killed anyone, But why chance it?
5. MEETINGS: A practical alternative to work.
6. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day.Tomorrow is not looking good either.
7. How come we have to choose from just 2 persons for president,and 50 for Miss America?
8. Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
9. I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
10. When things look dark,hold your head up high so it can rain up your nose.
11. Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things.
12. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
13. If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.